and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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