So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
