As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
