Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
