My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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