I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
