The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
