Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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