Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
