first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
