I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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