That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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