It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
