farters have to be the big spoon...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
