I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
