You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
