You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
