He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
