id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
