I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
