Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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