Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
