Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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