If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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