question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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