I think I am morally bankrupt
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
