There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
