Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
