People in love make me want to vomit
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
