My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
