All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I've blown a few things in my day
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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