I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
