What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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