it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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