We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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