As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize