I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
