So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
