I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
