All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
