Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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