dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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