I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
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I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
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can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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