Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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