you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The air taste purple.
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