dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
