My first STD was from a foam party
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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