Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
