he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
