fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
