My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
