Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
