I wish they made helmets for livers.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
