Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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