Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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