You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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