White coat. Heels.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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