Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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