2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
