so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
