sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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