at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
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The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
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It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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